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Sometime during the haze of the last few weeks, I had a little meltdown. I was miserable, both kids were miserable, the house was a mess, I needed a shower, everything was terrible. Sandy reminded me, “this is exactly where you want to be and what you want to be doing. Remember to enjoy it.”
Now of course, there are parts of every day that are not at all where I want to be or what I want to be doing. The dishes are a private hell, I suddenly have to do laundry every single day, and our room has become a dusty storage closet for used baby clothes. I would perhaps not have chosen for all of us to be stricken with colds and/or RSV during Zella’s first weeks, and it would be awesome if Ezra would stop refusing to eat breakfast. It would have been great if Sandy could have taken more paternity leave in these early days, rather than needing to delay it. I would love to do something creative, but I can’t see my sewing machine under the piles of junk. And in the previous paragraph, when I said “a meltdown,” you should read that as “one or more meltdowns almost every day.”
But, for the most part, he was right. I am where I want to be, doing what I want to be doing. I just need to be reminded to enjoy it, because it’s so easy for me to miss the forest for the trees. And by trees I mean piles of old baby clothes.
The forest is Ezra putting his arm around Zella on the couch, or pretending to nurse a teddy bear by putting it up to his belly button. It is Zella waking up by opening one eye suspiciously and then the other, and smiling wide smiles that are this close to being real social smiles.
It is Ezra so in love with his new playroom tepee that he physically grabs us and pushes us down the hall so we can all go inside and cuddle. It is Zella sleeping in the crook of my arm and Ezra’s urgent command of “again” (“den!”) at the end of every tickle, song, or nursery rhyme.
It is noticing that Zella’s new habit of spitting her entire dinner back onto me is really just an excuse to take more baths.
Say something
Maureen Kelleher
— Mar 10 / 20:13Loved this post and will do my best to keep Sandy’s words in mind, too. As long as there are part of every day when I am exactly where I want to be and doing what I want to do, it’s all good. And there are. They usually involve reading a book with LT or running around outside. And I can’t imagine trying to do it with a number two. Bully for you guys!
Nana Adrienne
— Mar 10 / 22:10Beautiful! Sandy’s words are very wise, and so are your insights. Some days do seem to take years, but the years go by like days. Your stopping to mark them is a gift to all of us.
Audra
— Mar 11 / 13:41Awww. I think this sometimes with one kiddo so I can’t imagine how some moments must just get overwhelming. Even though we are basically strangers, I just wanted to get in the car and come do your laundry, or wash your dishes! Hang in there!
Claire Bidwell Smith
— Mar 12 / 20:23Beautiful post, Sarah.
cousin caroline
— Mar 17 / 18:37there’s no place to post comments for your last posting about Zella on March 13th because obviously you knew you would be overwhelmed by negative postings to your radical declaration that Zella’s postings would be combined with Ezra’s from now on. I would like to speak for all of the second borners and say PSHHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s a razz in letters). Of course Zella needs her own postings each month! Only selfish first borners parents would even think of the option of combining both kids experiences into one posting because “their lives are so intertwined”. that’s a bowl of crap. C’mon other second borners – support me on this….Lilli? Anna? Sarah’s brother? Welcome to the land of limited photographs, no videos, missed birthday parties, having to wear the truck t-shirt because, well, it fits…..Zella….this is just the beginning….don’t worry, honey, we’ll support you!!! Second borners unite!!!!!
sarah
— Mar 29 / 13:55Trying not to feel bad for taking over two weeks to respond to these lovely comments… Thanks, everyone. And, Audra, be sure NOT to let me know if you’re ever in town, because I will make you come over and wash my dishes for sure!
Caroline, Zella is lucky to have such protective relatives looking out for her. Her oldest-child parents stand by our EXTREMELY PRACTICAL and HIGHLY RESPONSIBLE stance on letter combination, but we will be sure to keep the world well stocked with photos and videos of Zella, and will try to avoid hand-me-down truck t-shirts. Unless of course she wants a truck t-shirt, in which case, she shall have as many as she pleases.